tuesday, jan 23,2007

i am not having a good day.
i think it may have to do with lack of sugar. i'm a sugar aholic. i know there is such a thing and i am she. since giving up smoking many, many years ago, i have developed an unhealthy sweet tooth. i have gained and lost a copious amount of weight.
i have belonged to weight watchers off and on as long as i can remember.i wish they had issued shares. i would be rich from the dividends.
i have been on a 'binge' for just over a month. i fell off the wagon when the christmas eating season began. for me that was dec 15th. one friend invited me for lunch and another for supper on the same day. a prudent person would have declined one of the invitations.
not me! i live alone and don't particularly like to cook for myself. plus i view eating out as time out from an otherwise controlled eating pattern.
that was the beginning of the end. i ate lots of chocolates,a whole fruitcake by myself, and anything else that came handy to my mouth.
i (gratefully) was invited to many christmas parties and didn't skimp on anything , especially if it contained sugar.
as a result , i felt terribly out of shape. my back acted up and i developed a chronic headache.so yesterday i decided, one day at a time, i would try to get off sugar. i managed to do so yesterday, even though i spent the day baking (for a sick friend) and went to my daughters for supper with the left over belgian (dark)chocolate scallop shells filled with pistachio pudding and a pan of lemon squares. and i resisted even a teeny taste of the vanilla ice cream i scooped up for my grand son , or the jelly beans my granddaughter recieved for peeing in her potty( even though we forgot to put the pot in under the seat).
i was stoic. i had a bowl of cereal sweetened with 'splenda' for my snack while i watched the amazing film"dogville".
this morning , it's hitting home. i'm edgey and angry. i had a fight (onesided) with aliant my high speed internet server, who has not been serving me very well. i decided i would not let it ruin my day of doing nothing , so i took the dog on a very long walk. on route, we passed quite a few dogs out in the freezing cold on very short leashes and no water in sight. what is wrong with people who would put a dog out on a day like today. the temperature is well below zero? i don't get it ! you have children, you bundle them up on a cold day and keep an eye on them. yet these same people will put the dog(or cat) out in an arctic climate and drive off to work for the day. it makes me so mad!
so this is it the sober sugar-holic, hung over, mad , and hurting everywhere. in the cupboard i have a box of "nature valley" sweet and salty almond coated yogurt bars singing their siren song: "eat me, eat me"
i will not look their way..........

the birthday boy!

this is a photo of my daughter and her first husband "kaila"

post christmas
(flu season)
i am waiting to get the flu. i knew i would regret not getting the flu shot. i blame it on my doctor as i did ask for it. and she never called when the serum came in . then it was gone.
the truth is : i am afraid to get the flu shot. a lot of people i know (well, a few) got very ill after getting the flu shot.
so my remedy is to take tincture of echinechea and 2 extra strength tylenol.so far it is working. it usually does for a few days. then the germs sneak up on me and whack me down. then it's ten times worse and twice as long. i should just surrender at the first symptom.
this is old christmas day. in newfoundland we observe the 12 days of christmas. this is the twelfth. it is also my grandson's 6 th birthday. he is so grown up. we had a lovely conversation on the phone. i sent he and his older brother a wonderful chess set. it's medieval porcelain figurines. they like to play chess, and read and imagine. their's is a household that fosters creativity. both of their parents are artists. how lucky for them . would that all children had parents with wonderful imaginations.
their house is full of knights, magic, pirates , great deeds and bold expeditions. and nanny is coming to babysit for two weeks. we will have lots of fun. i am mentally preparing. every morning i imagine what it will be like , how we will spend our day. what new things nanny will try to intice them to eat. how the eldest will eagerly point out "the way mom does things" i know he will help care for his little brothers if they get sad or miss mommy and daddy.
we will tell lots of stories especially about their mother's growing up . about the time she ran away from home and ended up on the landwash in fogo island. and the time she took off early one morning just after we had arrived on the island of tobago and was brought home by a kind islander called "teacher" who warned us it was not safe for a little girl to be wandering by herself in the village.
and the time she poisoned herself one night when she made a special concoction from all the ingredients she found in the cupboard, such as cocoa, baking powder, dry mustard and vanilla...... it was not pretty what she threw up.

and another time, on fogo island , when she decided to make her own breakfast. she got out the cereal and poured detergent powder on top of it and added water............
and there was mother's day when she decided to make her dad and i breakfast in bed. she wasn't allowed to use the stove , so she made tea out of hot water from the tap. the cereal and toast were very soggy and cold. but she did have a lovely flower in a vase on the tray. she stayed and watched us eat every bite.........
and another time when she was very small and we left her with a baby sitter and when we arrived home she had drawn a lovely mural all around the living room wall. it was just her height and very intricate. she was most proud of that accomplishment.
her first boyfriend's name was jesse( oh dear i may have forgotten) he had a sister named "snort". she was so in love with him. i believe i still may have a bracelet he gave her.
and the time she quit school after the first week of school . she decided it wasn't nearly as fun as had been promised on her prekindergarten visit. she was quite right. her dad refused to take her to school when she was protesting so dramatically . finally i had to take a rather strongarmed tactic. i basically told her in canada education was compulsory and if she refused to go, momma would go to jail. she went.
and then there was the time she punched me in the stomach............
and the time she lost her snake in the apartment.........
and the time she married kaila our dog. she really liked being a bride, and a princess, and a wizard and an inventor and an archeologist and a dinosaur scientist . i forget what they are called, she knew at three and could also pronounce a dozen dinosaur names.
i don't have a repetoire of their dad's stories. i know there must be many and just as interesting. perhaps he can write some for me to tell while he is away in ireland..........
and of course there are my stories, and my mother's stories and i think i remember some of her mother's stories and of course the danes who came all the way from the old country of hans christian anderson......mmmm........... perhaps we are related.
and not to foget the stories of their poppy. he was a wonderful story teller and even wrote the stories into books..............
we will have a busy time. i wonder if they will be gone 100 nights?

the birthday girl. she is wearing the dress her mother wore on her second birthday. and her new red shoes. she loves shoes.she looks just like her mother at that age. and they both walk on the tips of their toes.

new bikes

motor cycle momma........

my daughter trimming the tree . can you see the two portraits of her?

Oh Christmas tree!
it is presently sitting in a snow bank.
it was a damn nova scotia tree that had an insatiable
thirst!
the needles were falling off so fast i couldn't keep up
with it, so out it went .
next year i'm going artificial.